Sunday, March 10th, 2002
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5:34 pm - quizzzzzzzzzzz-time!!!
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Thursday, February 28th, 2002
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1:14 am - come sweet death...
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i know, i know i've let you down
i've been a fool to myself
i thought i could
live for no one else
but not through all the hurt and pain
its time for me to respect
the ones you love
mean more than anything
so with sadness in my heart
i feel the best thing i could do
is end it all
and leave forever
whats done is done, it feels so bad
what once was happy now is sad
i'll never love again
my world is ending
i wish that i could turn back time
cos now the guilt is all mine
cant live without the trust from the ones you love.
i know we can't forget the past
you cant forget love and pride
because of that its killing me inside
it all returns to nothing, it all comes
tumbling down, tumbling down,
tumbling down,
it all returns to nothing, i just keep
letting me down, letting me down,
letting me down,
in my heart of hearts,
i know that i called never love again
i've lost everything
everything
that matters to me,
matter in this world
i wish that i could turn back time
cos now all the guilt is mine
cant live without
the trust from those you love
i know we can't forget the past
you can't forget love and pride
because of that, its killing me inside
it all returns to nothing, it all comes
tumbling down, tumbling down,
tumbling down
it all returns to nothing, i just keep
letting me down, letting me down,
letting me down
it all returns to nothing, it all comes
tumbling down, tumbling down,
tumbling down
it all returns to nothing, i just keep
letting me down, letting me down,
letting me down...
current mood:  blank
current music: neon evangelion - komm suesser tod/come sweet death
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(2 BRAIN FUCKs | ¤ fuck my mind ¤)
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Saturday, February 23rd, 2002
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8:15 pm - trent, oh my trent!
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Friday, February 22nd, 2002
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11:41 pm - victory...!
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3:15 pm - >-<;;;
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11:49 am - ..was ist richtig?
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...manchmal moechte man dinge tun, die fuer den koerper schlecht sind, aber umso besser fuer die eigene seele.
was ist wichtiger? und was ist richtig?
...langsam weiss ich es nicht mehr. was bringt mir eine froehliche seele, wenn der koerper kaputt ist, aber was soll mir ein gesunder koerper bringen, wenn meine seele traurig ist?
...manchmal ist vernunft wohl doch besser, als das was man wirklich moechte...
...ich denke seit stunden fast nur noch daran, mich morgen einfach in den zug zusetzen, und zu dir zu kommen. ....wenn ich nicht so verletzt waere.. koennte ich zu dir kommen, und mich, solange du krank bist, um dich kuemmern... ....aber ich glaube, das waere nur auf seelischer basis das richtige... ...wenn doch nur ich wenigstens gesund waere... ..ich wuerde mich so gerne um dich kuemmern koennen......
..ich liebe dich...
</center>das schoenste lied schrieb ich nicht auf papier, ich schrieb es in dein gesicht, mit den fingern siehst du nicht, was mein mund dir hinterliess, schau auf deiner haut und lies, such wo meine zunge war, such mein lied in deinem haar..</center>
current mood:  sad
current music: ASP - und wir tanzten [ungeschickte liebesbriefe]
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(1 BRAIN FUCK | ¤ fuck my mind ¤)
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2:51 am - @ m.
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..keine sorge.. manche dinge wird man einfach nicht mehr los...
...manche dinge, wie unkraut, vergehen nicht... auch mit mir ist es nicht anders... ..oder schoene erinnerungen... ..die bleiben auch...
andere dinge wiederum verschwinden gott sei dank, wieder.... ...wie die schmerzen zum beispiel... die vergehen zum glueck bald wieder...
..und solange wir uns haben.. wird immer wieder alles okay.......
" i always knew i would look back on my tears and laugh, but i never knew i would look back on my laughter and cry..."
current mood: pain
current music: cruxshadows - tears
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(2 BRAIN FUCKs | ¤ fuck my mind ¤)
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2:46 am - tears...
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reaching out in dead of night
emptiness by candlelight
memory, a haunted sea
souring in sudden rage
the damage plagued upon my love
driven by this selfish urge
to separate yourself from me
but not the way you planned
the gambit flow of shifting thought
she'll write a kiss upon my cross
and with each moment of despair
lay to heart a lovely tear
within each bone the salty sea
swims; an ocean silently
swims; the forest of my dreams
swims; the essence i call me
come bringing back now can't explain
the measures swept away in pain
hatred, will i escape your grasp?
buried feelings let me pass
i cannot kill this final flame
the fire that once consumed my heart
but hope must have some kind of fuel
and chance must keep this fire
the gambit flow of shifting thought
she'll write a kiss upon my cross
and with each moment of despair
lay to heart a lovely tear
within each bone the salty sea
swims; an ocean silently
swims; the forest of my dreams
swims; the essence i call me
[sampled interlude]
the gambit thought...
the gambit flow...
the gambit...
the gambit flow of shifting thought
she'll write a kiss upon my cross
and with each moment of despair
lay to heart a lovely tear
within each bone the salty sea
swims; an ocean silently
swims; the forest of my dreams
swims; the essence of my being
the gambit flow of shifting thought
[swimming out the tears in my eyes]
she'll write a kiss upon my cross
[looking for the shore]
and with each moment of despair
[i hope that this is the last time]
lay to heart a lovely tear
[i hope that this is the last time]
within each bone the salty sea
[swimming out the tears in my eyes]
swims; an ocean silently
[looking for the shore]
swims; the forest of my dreams
[i hope that this is the last time]
swims; the essence of my being
[i hope that this is the last time]
the gambit flow of shifting thought
[swimming out the tears in my eyes]
she'll write a kiss upon my cross
[looking for the shore]
and with each moment of despair
[i hope that this is the last time]
lay to heart a lovely tear
[i hope that this is the last time]
within each bone the salty sea
[swimming out the tears in my eyes]
swims; an ocean silently
[looking for the shore]
swims; the forest of my dreams
[i hope that this is the last time]
swims; the essence of my being
[i hope that this is the last time]...
i don't really understand, what's the lyric mean..... *sigh* but.. i love the song...
current mood: pain..........
current music: cruxshadows - tears
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(¤ fuck my mind ¤)
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Thursday, February 21st, 2002
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6:59 pm - gathering of the storm
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it's so cold outside, can't you feel it?
i'll remain inside, within the warmth.
it's so dark outside, can't you see it?
i'll reamain within the light.
there is a storm outside, can't you feel it?
there is a storm outside, can't you feel it?
current mood: full of pain...
current music: ...cxs
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(1 BRAIN FUCK | ¤ fuck my mind ¤)
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Friday, February 15th, 2002
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6:24 pm - gimme ur bloooood....!!!
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5:57 pm - brain fic....
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feel the skins so hot
it's singing like the sun
see this unknown colour
invade the sky above
we will touch these fires
with our naked arms
and the wind will help us
passengers of the night
and our skin is burning
on a journey never ending
we will visit places
in a long lost world
feel you skin so hot
even night is trembling
between longing fingers
melts the sky away
burning naked bodies
kisses screen to screen
entering the valley
where will we meet james d.
they are waiting for the nightboat
every hour every day
'cause they heard about the story
whispering spies are everywhere
now the crowd will share the secret
but our sea is beyond time...
current mood: blank
current music: deine lakaien - generators
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(1 BRAIN FUCK | ¤ fuck my mind ¤)
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5:53 pm - lass mich...
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niemand weiss, wie es aussieht
tief in mir drin
niemand weiss, wie es aussieht
tief in dir drin
doch eines lass dir sagen
ohne dich ohne dich
ohne dich macht das alles keinen sinn
lass mich lass mich lass mich
lass mich lass mich lass mich
bitte bitte lass mich
lass mich dein lakai sein
lass mich dein lakai sein
in dieser nacht
lass mich dein lakai sein
lass mich dein lakai sein
es fuehrt kein weg daran vorbei
es fuehrt kein weg daran vorbei
ohne dich ohne dich
geh ich nicht nach haus
will ich nicht nach haus
lass mich lass mich ...
und wir rennen ohne ziel
dabei wusste ich so viel
und wir rennen ohne ziel
dabei wusste ich so viel
[bitte bitte lass mich..]
current mood: blank
current music: deine lakaien - generators
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(1 BRAIN FUCK | ¤ fuck my mind ¤)
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11:57 am - days...
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1:07 am - YEEEESSS!!!!
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todays evening i called up with my b-friend again, and now, i am the luckiest human on earth!!!!!!!!!!!!!
because our private war is over, and he told me, that he want to meet me at saturday and sunday... y'know, i live in west germany, and he live in east germany :( .....
but we'll meet us, in the middle of germany.. that's for no one of us too far away....
aaaaaaaaaaaaahhh!!! i wanna hug the whole world!!!!!!!!!! i am soooooo happy!!!! *crying with joy*
damn it! :) i'm really pretty tired! *lalala* ..i can sleep now like a happy and carefree newborn baby . :)
*kisses for all*
current mood:  happy
current music: my giggles.. :)
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(¤ fuck my mind ¤)
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Thursday, February 14th, 2002
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4:25 pm - toooday...
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..i am extremely happy...
anyhow is it much weird, because i don't know, why i'm so very happy. *shrieks*
hum.. one thing tease me.. today it's definitely toooooooo cold........ >-<;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;
current mood: freeze, but happy and in love.
current music: cruxshadows - clerestory
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(¤ fuck my mind ¤)
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4:23 pm - hehehe.. :)
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3:04 pm - happy st. valentine's day to everyone!
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Wednesday, February 13th, 2002
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1:14 pm - i'm really shocked...
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1:09 pm - this is hard to know that..............
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Personality Disorder Test
current mood:  shocked
current music: except europa - curve of the earth
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(¤ fuck my mind ¤)
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12:08 pm - except europa...
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gothesque's journal
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